Honesty with God with Jess Ray
Today Lauren Bowerman is chatting with singer-songwriter Jess Ray about how God uses the difficulties of life and even our doubts to invite us closer to him. This conversation is deeply honest and rich with hope, and we pray that amidst the difficult seasons, doubts, or questions you maintain it meets you in your story, nudges you to honestly seek the Lord, and presses you closer to the God who comes near to us in Jesus.
NOTES & QUOTES
“I believe we can approach God as our actual father and as our actual friend. He can handle the most extreme versions of our anger and pain and confusion.”
“Life is really, really hard, and we need a place for that pain to go.”
“There have been times I've absolutely let God have it, not because it was his fault, but it's just like, where else is that pain going to go? And I have felt him accept that because he's big and strong enough to handle it.”
“Believe in the truth that God is love and that we can love him because he has shown us how. For me to throw my worst at him and for him to love me through it, is that not schooling me in what love is? He's teaching us through his modeling of what it's like to love someone when they don't love you back. That's how we learn that, because God has shown us how.”
“The song [Runaway] is so old now, and I have found new ways to run away from God, and he has found new ways to come and find me and bring me back. So it remains a very true story of my life.”
“No one has an easy life. Live long enough and it will come apart in some way, so it's crucial that we figure out some way to balance and stabilize ourselves. I love to try to stabilize myself with eating or watching stuff on TV or whatever, but it never works. Writing is such a key way—I would say even if you're not a songwriter or a writer, learning some habit of journaling or prayer. God wants us to speak to him in our own voices.”
“There's no bow we can put on depressive seasons. God is still true. God is still light. For me, some progress coming out of a depressive season was total transparency with a handful of safe people, as well as making sure I was doing my best to sleep well, eat well, be in the sun, be outdoors, do things that I love.”
“I believe in God's power to heal, to save, to raise from the dead in this life. I believe that he can and does. And I rejoice and I am amazed when I see him move like that. And I don't want to become a person who doesn't have faith for that. But once you live and you've prayed for those things and they don't happen, there's a great bitterness and disconnection that can form that makes sense and is reasonable. But I've begun to live out in small ways what it feels like to love God anyway and to stick with him even when he didn't answer things the way I wanted to. And there is a deep devotion there that I would not trade for anything—to give God my heart and my worship when it has not panned out. There is a devotion there that is beautiful and sacred.”
“I want to actually believe in the beauty of living this life, trying to stay devoted to the Lord when it doesn't make sense. I love my life staying devoted to God through great difficulty, but it's not easy.”
“We want the answers to the world and to the keys to all life. We would want some holy book that maybe would just explain everything. Wouldn't that be nice? But even the Bible does not do that.”
“I have no answers for this other than, ‘Where else will I go?’ Outside of this is a barren wasteland, so I'd rather stay with my God who continues to refuse to solve my problems and it drives me insane. What he does offer me is a promise of daily bread. Not even enough to hoard up, not even enough to get a shred of security anymore. I just have to live on what he gives me each day.”
“I actually would rather this path of staying with him on the daily bread, even though he's not answering my questions.”
“This is our only opportunity to experience this broken-being-put-back-together version of life. The ways that he will bless us with his presence on this side of life. This is our only chance to experience that before he puts everything back together. And it will be a whole other thing to experience [him in heaven], and it will be what we're all longing for, but this is our only chance to experience him invade all the brokenness.”
“As all my friends are deconstructing, I was getting pulled that way as well. You start to realize there's some stuff that is just difficult. “Is this true about God? Is this how he wants things to be? Is this really his opinion? Is this how he would treat women?” There's plenty to trip over in the Bible. And so eventually I ended up offended by the Bible. But somewhere, by the grace of God, I ended up in a place of surrender where now I'm just surrendered to the Bible.”
“There are a lot more people now who are giving us tools to understand the Bible. So many things we're able to understand: context of the Bible, who it's written to, etc. It’s on us to do the hard work of understanding and interpreting. There's wisdom to be gleaned from all of it for us. But it's our job to do that work, not the job of the Bible to somehow rewrite itself miraculously for the 21st century... It's on us to do the work.”
“Be still, especially in your attempts to connect with God or hear from him or make him do what you are hoping for. Having to read your Bible or having to pray a certain amount of time or having to go to church... All of those things are good things until they become the way that you are trying to make God meet with you or get connection with God.”
“I've had to take the pressure off of striving to meet with God, striving to get him to answer my questions, and instead try to be at peace and invite his presence into everything.”
“Learn to pray in your own voice. Learn to talk to him more and more every day—as you're waking up, just say something to him. Pray to him in your own voice. Don't dress it up. Don't try to say the right words. Tell him how you are and talk to him all the time. Every time you're driving, just pray under your breath all the time. Get outside and walk and pray. Don't try so hard, and then keep asking him to show up in other ways. Keep being open with people who are safe that you love.”
“Here's what I am sure is the will of God for my life right now—and maybe our listeners could make their own list of what this is. You might not know the answer to this or that problem or question in your life. But I know this is true for me in this season of life: plant gardens, make meals, write and sing songs, disciple young people, care for your home, love your neighbors, plan vacations, pursue joy, gather with the body of Christ. I don't know other things, but I'm going to do these things that I know are God's will for me and do them with my whole heart.”
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
What has it looked like for you to invite God into your doubts, questions, and difficulties? Do you find this easy or hard to do?
Have there been seasons of your life where you have experienced God loving you and teaching you to love him again?
Do you ever wrestle with the tension of holding sorrow and hope together? What might it look like for you to bring this before the Lord today?
Where in God’s Word have you found comfort and truth for your current season? Consider memorizing one of these Scripture passages with a friend.
What might you do or implement based on what you learned in this week’s episode?
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IMPORTANT NOTE
Journeywomen interviews are intended to serve as a springboard for continued study in the context of your local church. While we carefully select guests each week, interviews do not imply Journeywomen's endorsement of all writings and positions of the interviewee or any other resources mentioned.
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